Dreaming of getting out of this town and going back to Australia, my little home.
My hand in yours, the love of my life
I've thought other people were the love of my life before
But I've never been so sure.
The timing of us meeting was afwul
But at the same time it almost didn't happened.
Thank you for listening to all the shit songs I send you; for cooking me vegan food (bitch it's been two fucking years, vegan 4evah pls); for sleeping next to me when nights got hard. Thank you for staying by my side. It's been 10 months dating but over a year kissing you. Thank you for the days at the beach and the nights in Australia, the food in Toledo. For letting me fall asleep on you when I was tired. I can't imagine being with anyone else the rest of my life. You have the purest and kindest heart of anyone I ever met; and I will continue to protect it, forevermore.

Thank you for writing songs with me, in my piano, in my guitars, in my ukelele. Thank you for saving the world with me.
The world needs you.
And I do too.


Also, can I please have already the Assassin's Creed Odissey, thanks.

One year later and here I am, going down on memory lane. There are some things I wrote here that I found hilarious. The funniest part is, I could literally write on here all sorts of names directed to the guy I "loved", and it wouldn't matter a bit. He never read my posts when I texted him the links he's not going to do it now. In case he fell down a cliff got a brain inflammation and suddenly decided to start giving half-a-fuck: you're a little to late, aren't you?
(Lol, but true tho)

Quick update, years ago this girl and I were kind of soulmates, those friends that you just know you can't really get too far from them, well, we had a fight, didn't talk for years, last year (I think it was may, yeah defintely may) she texted me, told me she wanted to fix things between us, well, we did. Yay! Gosh, I missed her so much. Damn, such a cool friendship. Got the point where we go to parties by ourselves and just look at each other saying "we're so pathetic and alone in life", cool point if you ask me. Even better when you are cooking pasta with the fire of math homework at 3 AM, omg how we laughed, best day ever, seriously. Also, guess who's a professional songwriter, me, unbelieable? Wtf nope, I'm an amazing songwriter pls. Also, Greenpeace volunteer and vegan (7 months now and forever). Meeeeeeh, don't know what else to talk about, let's just leave it here. Byeeeeee.

(Should I say "daisies are dumb"?)

(The important questions firsts)

(But should I?)

(Also, LIN MANUEL MIRANDA PLSSSS I LOVE HIMMM)

(Also, who the fuck is reading this? Why does this blog has 129 views?)

(Why?)

I hate my mother.

Mom, I'm sorry I'm sick. I'm sorry I had to leave school today because I was feeling sick. Because I was feeling weak. Sometimes I forget I choose to be sick everyday when I wake up in the morning. And this morning felt like the perfect day to feel like fucking shit. Because, you know what? I love being sick, I love skipping classes. I love when I don't pass the exams. I really do.

But do you want to know what I love more?

WHEN YOU FUCKING  BLAME FOR SOMETHIND I DIDN'T CHOSE. THAT'S SO MUCH BETTER THAN BEING SICK. IT'S THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD.

WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?! BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA.

If only I knew how people will remember me.

I just watched If Only sung by Carrie Hope Fletcher and towards the end in the screen appears "If it wasn't for my mum and dad I never would have figured it out who I'm meant to be" and I had some questions.

Who is she meant to be? Does she tag herself as a youtuber? A singer? A writer? Maybe she's meant to be herself.

And I asked that exact same question to myself:

Who am I meant to be? Will my future job define me? Will I be my grades? My weight? Will I be known as the "chubby girl"? Or the girl who drastically disappear from high school? Maybe the girl who was rude to people?

I don't want to be remembered for the bad things I did, for the people I've hurt, the hearts I've broken, the bad choices I've made. I don't want to be remembered for my mistakes.

I want to be remembered for me.

But that's really hard, cause we're changing all the time, everyday, every month, and every year. And not all of the people we are friends with today will still be our friends 3 years down the road. And they'll remember us for who we are today. And that's okay, at least half-okay. They can't remember us for someone they didn't get to see, because they walked away too soon, or maybe we were the ones who walked away.

But, how will you remember the people you're friends with now in 2019? Think of your best friends, think of your actual boyfriend or girlfriend. How will you remember them? As lovely or funny? Then chances are you won't remember them.
Sadly, the memories of those who have hurt us are more clear. It's easier to remember the pain than to remember the happiness.

I want to change that.

I want to be remembered for bringing people so much happiness they will never forget it.

Hope is dumb.

With friendships there's no right way or wrong way. There's just a path and anything could happen while you're walking. I think the key is just to be nice and comprehensive and what has to happen will happen.
I know, that's cliche af but it's the truth. If you have good intention and you feel like is going downhill then that's it. Keep being nice. It's not your fault. When you're nice to people even tho they're not with you, you'll always win; but if you're rude to people even tho they're not with you, you'll always lose.

Try to be nice as much as you can.

Don't have your hopes too high. Hope can be dumb.

Olivia

*Bookish update: I'm already halfaway through Percy Jackson and the lightning thief. WOW. THAT BOOK. THAT FUCKING BOOK IS FREAKING ME OUT. WOW. I hope I can finish it today. I'm going back to the book RN.*

Tell it to me straight, don't sugarcoat it.

Just fucking say it.

You don't want to hang out with me? Say it!

I'm getting really tired of the same all excuses everytime we make plans.

But this is my fault. I thought we could be best friends. And it's my fault I thought that. We just got along so well... Hell, I'm crazy! We've only known each other for less than a month! 

It surpises me how naïve I can be sometimes. It really, really, surprises me.

We just have so much in common... We walk down the same circles on the internet, well, luckily you don't walk on this one. It would be terrifying if you did. I don't want you to read this. 

Oh my gosh, how stupid I am?

I'm not mad... I'm just frustrated. With myself. And maybe a tiny little bit with you. I just put my hopes really really high, and then they fall really really low. Just like life I guess.

Well, I've just finished Girl Online, amazing book by the way, I loved it. It's not groundbreaking but it's entertaining and an enjoable read. 

I'll try to read Percy Jackson's first book. I don't even know if I'm going to like it. As I mentioned in the last post I started reading it a few years ago and didn't even get to the half of the book. Oops.

Daisies are dumb, Jasmines are too. I love Koalas, and mental illness are serious.

Hello, my name is Olivia, daisies are numb and I'm really angry.

It all started as a really good day, I've slept in my friend's house (we were all alone so that's new to me) and it was really cool, we watched the two Percy Jackson's movies (now I want to read the books) I tried reading the first one and it bore me to hell so I didn't finished it

At first I was scared, as I'm a really dependent girl (trying really hard not to be) but it all turned out pretty well. I actually felt like we were the Paige and Sasha from Life Partners (lovely movie, watched it again today with my boyfriend, 2nd time in 3 days, ooops)  and it felt FUCKING AWESOME, I mean, how many times you have a friend you can tell everything and fart in their presence and not feel awkward at all? Yes, not many, that's why I love her.

There was a moment I was lying in bed with her (cause we had to sleep in the same bed, still not awkward at all) and I realized how lucky I am, there are tons of times during the day that I feel like I'm truly, really, happy. And I love that feeling.

Going back to sunday, I couldn't sleep at all, well. I slept a little bit, and I dreamed during that bit that I was interviewing J.K.Rowling and she was poor because her books weren't bought any longer (Is crazy, right?)

I've had a barbecue with my boyfriend's family, it was all really weird and I even started getting anxious, I was trembling, and afraid to move. There were ton of unfamiliar faces there, and his uncles talk really loudly and his aunt gave me a plate of rice bigger than the Everest, not even kidding.
I got really well with his brother, he's really cute, aw, and I felt sad becuse the dogs were treating really bad there, dogs need to run, that's a fact.

Slowly, the anxiousness (Is that a word?) started fading, (not completly tho) and obvs I felt better.

I saw him again, and I felt so loved and like I loved him so much that makes me wanna cry of happiness, it's like a song I wrote recently, "When I'm in your arms, I'm home" that's exactly how I feel about him, he makes me feel like I'm home, sad thing I didn't get to hold him much when we were in that barbecue, I was too shy. Going back to him, I love him, I don't think I can love anyone or anything more than I can love him. It's all so crazy. It's like a dream. I don't even know how to explain myself, words were never my strongest point. Do you know that feeling that you'd give every single thing you have for someone, a book, a computer, an arm, your life? Something like that, some may think I'm crazy, but I think I'm in love. And maybe they're synonyms. You can't love if you aren't a bit crazy, and to be crazy you need to be in love. That's why it's so hard to fall out of love, because you still have one or both.

I'm not even angry anymore, I'm not even going to mention that my parents are trying to "normalise" mental illnesses. Well, maybe I will.

Dear mom and dad, I love you, but you don't know a shit about mentall illness, but I do. If someone rather die than to have bad marks, that's a serious problem, not being really dedicated to your studies.

Sincerely, Olivia.


PS: No one's going to read this but I don't give a flying fuck.

Daisies are dumb.